Minutes that we’ve been together.
Happy Anniversary.
Wild America
I’m Marty Stouffer, today on Wild America we’re going to be looking at the animals whose natural habitat lies in one of the most dangerous regions in America – the gunshop.
I should warn you, some of the images in the upcoming program may be disturbing to younger viewers, so be careful.
(exterior shot of gunshop)
(whispering) We’re here inside the gunshop now – there are appear to be several different species congregating in this area. I’ll try to give you the rundown of each one that I see, then get some footage of their interaction.
Over there in the corner, you have Retailus Ninjatu, commonly referred to as the “Black bellied Mall Ninja”. They can usually be spotted by their unique coloration and plumage, notice how the male has covered itself in all black. All the things that its attached to its body are designed to inspire fear in other members of different species – most notably anything that the Retailus places on its hip area.
If you look next to Retailus, you’ll see a closely related species, the Fictitious Gloriousus – a unique species which adorns itself in camouflage which is not at all suitable to its current environment. In addition to their mismatch camouflage, they can often be identified by their general enormous size. Gloriousus often uses loud calls and noises to make himself seem more intimidating to other animals.
Oh my! Behind the counter, over there! It’s Browningus_Ultimus! I had hoped to find one of these; members of Ultimus are tool users, they identify in a tribal fashion based on their preference of one specific tool at the exclusion of all others. They’re a very dangerous species, as the slightest perceived insult to their tool collection can send them into wild frenzies.
Oh dear – we seem to have been spotted by Gloriousus. We need to go, quickly, before he can close the distance. Luckily, their tremendous size prevents fast movement, we should be okay.
(outside)
That was close – I’m very pleased with today’s show. Until next time, I’m Marty Stouffer.
Comics today
I made the mistake the other day during a fit of intense boredom to flip open the local rag to the apparently mislabeled “Comics” section. I say mislabeled because I was under the impression that comics were supposed to be funny, or at the least, entertaining.
Having not really read comics in a paper for several years, I was rather disappointed at what I found. Half-assed political “humor”, old jokes, and man-bashing. Where was the wit? Where was the joke worked so cleverly into three panels that if you weren’t careful you missed it? In short, where was Bill Waterson?
I’m guessing that maybe three of you have never heard of, or read Calvin & Hobbes, and if you’re one of those three people, shame shame. I read a lot of Calvin & Hobbes, right up to the very last comic. My younger brother has every collection of the comics that was released.
If you asked me what was so great about Calvin, I wouldn’t begin to be able to formulate an answer in a short period of time. It had wit, it was touching, Calvin’s adventures appealed to the child in me for their fanciful nature, just as his philosophical outlook appeals to me now as an adult.
I’m not going to wax too nostalgic about C&H, at the risk of boring you. One thing that made it great was the way it ended. The last panel has Calvin and Hobbes riding his sled into a fresh blanket of snow with the words “Let’s go exploring!” I still tear up a little bit when I read it.
Below, you’ll find one of my favorite works from Waterson, the poem “Yukon Ho!” which was released with the collection of strips by that same name.
Yukon Ho!
My tiger friend has got the sled
And I have packed a snack.
We’re all set for the trip ahead.
We’re never coming back!
We’re abandoing this life we’ve led!
So long, Mom and Pop!
We’re sick of doing what youve said,
And now it’s going to stop!
We’re going where it snows all year,
Where life can have real meaning.
A place where we wont have to hear,
“Your room could stand some cleaning.”
The Yukon is the place for us!
That’s where we want to live.
Up there we’ll ge to yell and cuss
And act real primitive.
We’ll never have to go to school,
Forced into submission,
By monstrous, crabby teachers who’ll
Make us learn addition.
We’ll never have to clean a plate,
Of veggie glops and goos.
Messily we’ll masticate,
Using any fork we choose!
The timber wolves will be our friends.
Well stay up late and howl,
At the moon, till nightmare ends,
Before going on the prowl.
Oh, what a life! we cannot wait,
To be in that arctic land,
Where we’ll be masters of our fate,
And lead a life that’s grand!
No more of parental rules!
We’re heading for some snow!
Good riddance to those grown-up-ghouls!
We’re leaving! Yukon Ho
"Toy" Gun Control
So, a couple of google searches this morning turned up some interesting articles on a new and entertaining kind of gun control, specifically toy guns. When I was a kid, California passed the law that mandated that toy guns (including Airsoft) be marked with the blaze orange tip on the barrel, ostensibly to keep police officers from mistaking them for a real gun and drilling some idiot kid.
This article in the Pasadena Star points to what was almost a tragedy in the San Diego Metro area; again some dumb kids were playing with what were probably airsoft guns in the park, someone called the cops, etc. Luckily, no one ended up dead this time which is a credit to police officer who responded to the call.
Yesterday in Soviet Canuckistan, two schools were locked down as the police responded to calls, both of which ended up involving fake guns. Again, no one was shot, so bravo for the cops. Although, this one had the glimmer of a solution to the “toy gun problem.”
Alyson Edwards of the Saskatoon Police Service said police appreciate being called whenever people think they see a real gun, but she stressed it’s important parents remind their kids not to play with toy guns or pellet guns in public places.
You mean it’s a bad to go waving realistic looking guns around where people can see you? Perish the thought.
Finally, Dallas has passed a law which makes it illegal to brandish a toy gun in city limits, remove the blaze orange tip, or sell a toy gun from an ice cream truck. A note on the last; apparently the “thing” is to sell cheap airsoft guns from ice cream trucks these days. Color me surprised.
Of course, none of this actually addresses the fundamental toy gun “problem”, which actually has nothing to do with toy guns and everything to do with the kids and their parents. As I often do, we’ll take a trip to my childhood to examine the toy gun situation.
I had lots of toy guns. Very few of them had blaze orange tips, and yet neither I nor my friends were ever shot by a cop for having a toy gun. This is of course because we weren’t stupid enough to point guns at cops. Honestly though, we had an empty lot across the street where we’d play cops and robbers or army, and we’d run around with toy guns. But our parents repeatedly reinforced that if you’re ever approached by a cop and you have a toy gun, you do not move, and you certainly don’t grab your toy gun.
So, the first part of the “problem” is that parents aren’t teaching their kids the fundamental rules of gun safety; kids should treat even toy guns (and especially airsoft guns) like real guns. They shouldn’t pack them in public, and I can’t even begin to stress that they shouldn’t point them at cops. So, first to blame are the parents for not teaching their kids to be responsible with their toys.
Of course, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him be responsible. Parents have to do their jobs and instruct their kids, but it’s up to those kids to make good choices with that instruction. If I have any readers in their teens, allow me to explain something.
I know your Airsoft gun is cool. I know it’s fun to play with. If you’re going somewhere and have your toy gun with you, do not stuff in your pants like some kind of gangbanger wannabe. Not only is it dangerous, but you will also succeed in looking like an idiot. Actually, you know what? Unless you’re going to and from somewhere you’d be using your toy, like an Airsoft match or something, don’t take your toy with you.
So, we can blame kids for being idiots, but we can’t hold them at too much fault because, well, teenagers are usually idiots. Third on my list of people to blame for the toy gun situation are the people that call the cops in hysterics about the kids with the toy guns. This goes back to the general paranoia about guns in the first place; and it’s part of why I seesaw so much on the open carry issue. I wish that people wouldn’t freak out over the mere sight of a gun; on the flip side I also agree that you shouldn’t go waving your airsoft gun around in public and not expect someone to call the fuzz.
However, despite all the evidence, the government has decided that instead of just saying “Parents need to teach their kids better”, they should pass laws to make us all safer. After all, it’s for the children.
Things I learned from my mom
I’m (finally – ed.) getting around to writing the companion piece to Things I learned from my Dad, which, surprise, is a look back at the lessons that I learned from my Mom.
Mother of Ahab did not have it easy raising us; I have three brothers, one older and two younger than I am. We’re all spread out with about 2 years in between each of us, which lead to some pretty…intense competition between the four of us. Once she had kids, Mom stayed at home to raise us – I’ll never say that she didn’t work because raising me alone would have been a full-time job, much less me plus three.
Things I learned from my Mom
- Blessed are the peacemakers – Just as Dad taught me the value of fighting for things, Mom’s guidance often showed me that “there are alternatives to fighting”. Mom always had the ability to defuse tense situations and negotiate opposing parties into truces. Not just between myself and my brothers, but adults as well. I often observed this behavior at church, as our family was somewhat prominent in our church.
- Raw talent is useless without discipline – I’m kind of scatterbrained, I have no doubt that had I grown up this modern day and age, I would have branded ADD and given mind altering drugs by the school shrink faster than you can say “he’s 8”. One of my mother’s most valuable lessons to me was personal discipline. Without her guiding hand during my early years, my later scholastic aptitude would have been much more difficult to come by.
- You’ll never regret reading – We read before we watched TV. Apparently, my first sentence was “read that book”. Mom always pushed us to read, compiling summer reading lists for us that made the requirements held by public schools look pathetic in comparison. In part, her desire for us to read is what inspired my love for the sea. Books like Moby Dick and the Hornblower novels made a boy raised in the desert wonder what it was like to live on the ocean.
- Sometimes it’s better to be taken advantage of than let your heart be hardened – Mom had an inability to say “no” to people when they asked her for help. She still has it today; sometimes people would (and do) take advantage of her helpful nature. Through Mom I learned that helping people of your own free will, when you stand to gain nothing in return is often its own reward. While that may sound cheesy, it’s also true.
- Don’t be doormat – Going hand in hand with the above entry, I also learned how to say “No” diplomatically. While Mom would sometimes over commit herself to too many obligations, as I grew up I watched how she would say no to people, the reasons she used and the times she did.
Just like my Dad, I learned a lot of lessons from my Mom. There’s no way I could encapsulate everything that she taught me in five bullet points, or in an entire blog. Mom’s instruction often served as an excellent counter to my naturally combative personality; where I lacked patience, moderation, and compassion; Mom was able to nurture those traits in me.
Of course, I still have some work to do on the “patience” issue.
Do your part
Today is the anniversary of D-Day, as most of you know. I wanted to point you to a blog entry by my brother, actually on a subject that is near and dear to my heart as well.
But I can do this. I can get up a half-hour earlier on a Monday morning, answer a bunch of check-box questions about my travel and sexual history, and sit in a chair while someone sticks a tube in my arm and drains out some a pint of blood. And maybe, for somebody, somewhere, one of those pints of O+ has been the difference between life and death.
Like he says, even if you’re not a cop, or an EMT, or anyone else that helps other people; you can give blood. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, that pint of blood really could make the difference in someone’s life. Whether they’re having a “routine surgery”, or someone is pulling a bullet out of them; that pint of blood that you give will go to someone who needs it.
This last bit is for my brother directly – a few pints of O+ once made a big difference for me.
How to write an anti-gun editorial
Due to recent shenanigans and the recent abundance of anti-gun editorials popping up all over the media, in concert with several close friends, I launched a covert operation deep into the heart the VPC headquarters in an effort to see if they’re behind all the anti-gun editorials that are currently springing up in the press.
After evading their perimeter security guards and stealthily slipping undetected into the very bowels of their facility, I happened upon a room with the ominous phrase “Training/Grassroots Materials” written on the door. After deftly picking the lock (and earning 25 XP), I entered the room – all around me were stacks and stacks of fliers, notes, and glossy publications. As I proceeded to gather information, I unfortunately triggered the self-destruct system by dropping the match I was using for light into a trash can. As flames erupted around me, I made my escape; fortunately I was able to salvage the following pamphlet that should provide deep insight into the mind of our enemy.
For Immediate Release to all Area Directors of Propaganda
Violence Policy Center
How to Write an Anti-Gun Editorial
In light of the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech, it is important to keep the pressure up on the general populace to reinforce the negative stereotype of firearms presented in the mainstream media. Below you’ll find a step by step guide to writing an anti-gun editorial. Keep these points in mind and your efforts to promote the absolute removal of guns from law-abiding citizens will be better received.
1. Establish your credibility.
With the increasing prevalence of states allowing for the carry of concealed firearms, the Circuit Court overturning DC’s excellent gun control laws, and the 2006 election placing many Democrats who oppose their party’s traditional views on gun control in office; it is imperative that your editorial not sound like you want to ban guns off the bat. Start with a statement like “as a long time hunter” or “I own a few guns” to establish a sense of equality with the commoners.
2. Mention Virginia Tech
Almost as important as establishing your credibility as a gun owner is your ability to manipulate the emotions of your reading audience. When mentioning Virginia Tech (or any other gun related tragedy), make sure that you tie the tragedy not the person, but rather to their ability to have a gun. Any gun.
3. Use lots of words that don’t have a meaning
The best of these is “assault weapon”. Since it’s a completely made up word, we can use it to mean anything that we want. Additionally, since the average American doesn’t really know what an “assault weapon” is, the word alone conjures images of fully-automatic machine guns.
4. Misinformation is key
Going hand in hand with number three, make sure to conflate the legal semi-automatic rifles with illegal fully automatic rifles. Again, since most people don’t know the difference, don’t help them make that distinction. It’s important that they believe that a semi-automatic AK47 is the same as the AK47 Assault Rifle.
5. Propose “reasonable gun laws”
Never, ever say that you want to ban guns. Instead, propose things like taking away “assault weapons” (see #3) or limiting magazine capacity. Taking guns away is like boiling a frog, you have to slowly increase the temperature so the frog doesn’t know he’s being cooked.
6. Bash the NRA
Almost as important as enforcing the negative stereotype of guns themselves is making sure that people think the NRA is evil. The more people that are terrified of the NRA, the easier it is for us. If you have to lie about things to make the NRA sound evil, go ahead. Most people don’t check facts anyway.
7. Re-establish your credibility
Close with a strong statement, something in the vein of “While I support the right to keep and bear arms, it’s important to remember that rights are often restricted in the name of safety”. If you’ve done your work well, by this point of the article the average mother is afraid that guns will kill her children – by driving your point home that “less guns = safe”, you’re more likely to have her support.
We must be ever vigilant.
The coolest beer ever
I like drinking, and although I enjoy good wine and hard liquor, sometimes I just want a beer. Luckily, I can’t bring myself to drink the piss that Budweiser, Miller, and Coors try to pass off as beer so I’m always on a search for a good microbrew.
Now, you might not think that this is related, but I’m also a big fan of WWII Warbirds and I like supporting Indiana businesses.
So, imagine my surprise and joy when at the liquor store on Monday I discovered beer from Warbird Brewing Company, headquartered in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Currently, the company has four different beers that they offer:
Great planes, local company, good beer. Warbird Brewing definitely gets the stamp of What John Wayne Would Drink.
Response from Mike Fox
In this piece right here, I took Mike Fox of the Bristol Herald to task for his anti-gun opinion piece, which I linked to in the original entry. I was actually quite surprised when he emailed me back regarding my blog entry. Since I started this conversation in a public forum, it’s only fair for me to continue it in the same manner. Below is his email to me, followed by my responses.
Ahab,
You should’ve seen what I originally wrote about the NRA in my piece before I had to cut the editorial down for being too long.
I imagine so, pardon my sarcasm but there is always a lot of vitriol that seems to be directed at the NRA. This was in response to my snarky comment about his 2nd to last sentence in the op-ed.
Anyone on either side of the debate who would say “we need more concealed weapons” or “we need fewer concealed weapons” or what have you could be “politicizing” the tragedy; the NRA and Brady Campaign came out in full advertising force the week of the Tech tragedy.
Actually, in the interest of accuracy, the Brady Campaign website changed their website on the day of the shooting by adding a large “donate” button. This link shows the exact reaction of the NRA. The NRA didn’t say anything other than that until over a week afterward, and they are on the record as supporting legislation that would strengthen state’s reporting of mental illnesses to NICS.
Individual bloggers most certainly did jump on the bandwagon right away and begin politicizing the issue, from both sides of the aisle. But individual bloggers are not the NRA.
I support the terror watch list prohibition because terror watch list individuals are already prohibited from commercially flying so if they’re perceived to be that dangerous not to be allowed on commercial flights then they certainly shouldn’t have access to firearms. Also, recent foiled terror plots such as the JFK Airport or Fort Dix plots took months of investigating, giving the suspects a large window of opportunity to make gun purchases.
I doubt that you and I could find common ground on this issue, so I’ll present the following hypothetical argument. Suppose for the moment that you agreed that owning a firearm is a civil right, as guaranteed by the Bill of Rights as the right to Freedom of the Press. Using secret government lists to deprive people of their Constitutional rights is not, nor should it ever, be considered a good thing.
Additionally, I’ll brush lightly on this issue here, but whatever happened to “innocent until proven guilty”? A “suspect” hasn’t been charged with a crime, and hasn’t even been arrested for a crime. This is completely disregarding the simple observation that if someone is committed to performing a terrorist action, not being able to buy a semi-automatic rifle isn’t going to stop them. Since you cited the Fort Dix terrorists as an example, it’s worth mentioning that they were in possession of fully automatic weapons, which as we’ve discussed are already illegal.
When mentioning assault weapons, I tried to use examples of firearm models that are legal and still available either through manufacturing or just simply available for use. You probably noticed reading my editorial that I had to conduct research as best I could on specific firearms details, since I was never truly interested in the topic of gun control until the Tech tragedy.
This area is actually where I find the greatest fault; the AK47s and AR15s that are available to folks like you and me are not functionally different from this rifle. All three rifles in question fire from a semi-automatic mechanism, it’s just that the civilian AKs and ARs are based off fully automatic military designs. All they have in common with the AKs favored by terrorists or the M16s issued to our troops is their cosmetic appearance – they don’t share the same mechanical function.
I do think though that a lot of the gun lobby initiative is pushed in part by a Wild West, frontier mentality, hence why I thought the title of your blog was amusing.
Best wishes,
Mike Fox
I’m never sure exactly what people mean when they say “Wild West/Frontier mentality” when they’re referencing gun control, or the lack thereof. I mean, I can guess that they think a proliferation of firearms will bring about wholesale bloodshed and dueling in the streets, ala The Wild Bunch, but there’s a problem with that logic. The problem lies in that 1) The Wild West wasn’t as wild as people think, and 2) that law abiding gun owners, especially those with permits to carry are not a source of gun crime.
A quick google search turns up an article in the University of Colorado law review from 1998 which examines the issue of crimes in relation to guns in society, and comes to this conclusion.
The connection between guns and American homicide exceptionalism becomes explicit only in the population of criminals. That is why crime is after all the problem, and why changing the subject to homicidal violence, on the pretext that killing is a stochastic property of armed populations that are not in other respects predisposed to violence, is seriously misleading.
Indeed, as of 2007 48 states allow some form of concealed carry for law abiding citizens, my state of Indiana has the 2nd highest percentage of concealed carry permits in the nation – and yet you’re far less likely to be the victim of violent crime in downtown Indianapolis than you are in downtown St. Louis; I won’t even mention cities like New York or DC.
No one in the pro-gun community wants criminals to get guns, you could argue that the pro-gun community is actually more committed to preventing criminals from getting guns than the anti-gun community. The difference is that we see the problem of gun crime (which is a problem) as being a problem that is a result of criminals, not a result of guns.
.410 bore or 20 gauge
As I mentioned earlier, I’m looking to pick up one of the H&R Tamer shotguns, partly to feed my desire for more firearms marketed for “survival”, partly because I like single shot shotguns, and also because I plan to wage war on squirrels on my father in law’s farm come August.
However, I’m now presented with a problem. You see, when I originally formulated this plan, I was unaware that there was a 20 gauge version of the Tamer, I was under the impression that it was going to be .410 or nothing.
Now, I’ve got no beef with the .410, in fact I think it gets a poor rap a lot of the time. That being said, the 20 gauge would take my survival shotgun out of the “dusting squirrels” category, and place it seriously in the area of a true survival weapon, able to perform multiple functions well.
On the other hand, one of the reasons I want this gun is because single shot shotguns are about as user friendly as you can get, and I wanted Mrs. Ahab to be able to shoot and enjoy this gun. A 20 gauge doesn’t particularly bother me, but I don’t really have a solid frame of reference for whether or not she’d be sensitive to the recoil from a 20 or not. So that would be a point for the .410.
Obviously, the whole reason I’m posting this is to get your feedback – it’s a blog after all. So here’s a short pros & cons list for the 20 vs .410.
20 Gauge Pros
– True multi-purpose firearm, for a “survival” shotgun the ability of the 20 gauge to effectively deal with small game, deer sized game, and two legged predators is desirable.
– Wider selection of ammunition, owning to the fact that the 20 gauge is a lot more common that .410 shotguns.
– Less likely to be mocked for having a wimpy little .410.
20 Gauge Cons
– More recoil than a .410, which might be a problem for Mrs. Ahab.
– Ammo is heavier than a .410, which means that I have to carry more weight p/shot.
– Not a 12 gauge.
.410 Bore Pros
– Slightly lighter than the same gun in 20 gauge, easier to handle.
– Ammo is lighter as well, less carry weight is always a good thing.
– Less recoil than the 20.
– Less destructive on small game than 20 gauge.
.410 Bore Cons
– Less ammo selection, especially in the area of slugs and buckshot.
– Less power for things larger than small game, such as deer sized game.
– Likely to be mocked for having a girl’s gun.
Opinions in the comments are welcome and solicited. If it makes any difference, I’m leaning 20 gauge right now.