In case you hadn’t noticed, I like food. Of the foods I enjoy, burgers are in the top three of items that I freakin’ love to eat. I love burgers so much that I have devised different categories for burgers, as well as a complicated rating system. What I’m going to do here is list my top five favorite burgers, and then I want you to share your favorite burger joints. Hell, you could even consider it a meme, so if you’ve got a blag, you could do it there. Or you can post it in the comments, whichever floats your boat.
There are two major categories of burgers, with those being “Fast Food Burgers”, which are found at establishments where you order at a counter and receive your food in a bag or a tray, and “Sit Down Burgers”, where you have a waiter/waitress that you order from. The exception is that Steak & Shake falls into the Fast Food category, despite their wait staff. We are going to focus solely on Fast Food Burgers, because, uh, that’s what I had for lunch.
So, without further ado, Ahab’s Top Five Fast Food Burger Locations, and what makes them so awesome.
1. In ‘N Out Burger – Primarily located in California, this chain has started to expand to Arizona and pieces of Nevada. Their finest burger is the Double-Double w/Cheese; all the ingredients are fresh, and their fries are literally potatoes that are chopped there in the restaurant. But the burger, oh the burger. Two perfect 1/3 pound all beef patties, grilled RIGHT WHEN YOU ORDER, combined with the freshest toppings leads to a tasty burger which has no equal.
2. Five Guys – When I moved to the DC/Metro area, I was truly disheartened. Where would I go for burgers? Despite having not lived on the west coast for years, the memory of In N Out was still fresh in my mind. Thankfully, I found the number 2 choice on my burger joint list, Five Guys. Their burgers are almost as good as In N Out’s, perhaps because they share the same “fresh ingredients made when you order” philosophy. Much to my joy, Five Guys has recently expanded into Indiana, once again giving me access to this fantastic burger chain.
3. 96th St. Steakburgers – My third favorite choice is essentially an Indiana knock-off of In N Out. It’s only found here, in the Indy Metro area so don’t feel bad if you’ve not heard of it. If you’ve eaten there, you’ll know why I love their burgers so much. Basically, take everything great about In N Out and put it in Indianapolis, and BAMF you’ve got 96th St. Steakburgers. Even their fries are the same.
4. Streetcorner Burgers – This was some dude in Boston with a streetcorner burger cart. I have no idea how he made burgers out of a cart, and frankly I don’t want to know because the burger was so good that I cried a little bit. Right there, in my Coastie dress uniform I cried just a little bit.
5. Steak & Shake – When I can’t find any of the my other top five, I’m heading to Steak & Shake. Their Double Steakburger w/cheese is almost as good as Five Guys, but unfortunately the thinness of their burgers causes them to lose points.
So, what are you favorite burger joints? Any comments that say “McDonalds” as a favorite will be deleted, and the commenter will be summarily mocked on the front page.
Edit: I should note that jokes about Big Kahuna Burger, and “that is a tasty burger” are totally welcome. If you’re not a Tarantino fan, disregard.