Take your damn hat off

This is well off the usual subjects of guns, politics and survival; however it something that I feel just as passionate about as I do for the aforementioned topics. The subject of today’s little screed is manners, or more accurately the deplorable lack thereof amongst my generation, the kids currently in college, and those little bastards in high school.

My father was old school when it came to manners; I was raised in the school of “No elbows on the table-take your hat off indoors-get the door for others (especially ladies)-yes-sir-no-sir-three-bags-full-sir”. I have tried to continue in that vein in my own adulthood, and although I sometimes forget to get the car door for the lovely Mrs. Ahab; you will never see me with a cover on indoors, especially in a restaurant. There are a lot of little things that I wonder how and why we stopped doing them, but my real hot buttons are as follows.

TAKE. YOUR. GODDAMN. HAT. OFF. You are indoors; you are in a damn restaurant, you take your bloody hat right off. I don’t care how freakin’ cool you are with your silly-ass pre-faded Abercrombie hat, take the damn thing off. For whatever reason, this pisses me off to such a degree that I literally want to knock the covers off of people’s heads when I see them in restaurants.

I would amend the rule to say that if you’re in an indoor mall; you don’t need to remove your cover. Hell, I’d be happy if I could get people to just do it in restaurants, church, and meetings. Or my house.

For whatever reason, this isn’t as big a hot button for me as hats, but it still bugs me. If you get to the door first, pull it open for the person behind you. Man, woman, child, just open the door. It’s polite. If the person is A)a lady, B)elderly, or C)struggling with packages/gear you had better open that door for them.

If you’re married/dating, you should open EVERY DOOR for your wife. Even I’m not perfect in this category, however I have witnessed “young gentlemen” dash into stores to escape the cold while their lady has to pull the door open herself. Not appropriate.

Table manners
Keeping your elbows off the table is pretty easy, what really bugs me is when I eat with people that do one of two things. Either they don’t know how to hold their fork correctly; rather they grip it in their fist like a child, or they lean their mouths down to the plate and shovel food into their gaping pie-holes like some sort of cavemen. Sit up straight, hold your fork correctly, chew with your mouth closed, and don’t you dare talk with your mouth full.

A way to have to fun with this? I refuse to respond to people that talk to me with their mouths full.

National Anthem
Back in June (or July), I went to a baseball game in one of the western states. When the National Anthem was sung, most of the people stood up, most of those people took their hats off, and a few of those people actually put their hands over their hearts. Good for them. For the rest of you people, even if you’re standing in the concession line waiting for your hot dog, stop talking, remove your cover, and place your hand on your heart. I don’t care if you hold up the entire line because you’re standing stock still and silent during the song. It’s not that long, you can do it.

I could go on and on about little things that upset me, however the stuff I’ve listed above are really the hot keys. These should be things that anyone who dares to call themselves an adult should do all the time. I won’t even mention saying “please” and “thank you”, because any human being should do that.

The other reason for writing this post was to hold myself accountable to my standards. The Kind and Beautiful Mrs. Ahab reads my blog, and I have no doubt that if I fall short in any of the above categories, I will be rightfully taken to task for so doing.

One last thought directly primarily at the 17-20ish audience. If you do not currently open doors for ladies, try it with your mom the next time you have a chance. You might want to have a plan in place for when she faints over dead from shock, though.

What Would John Wayne Do? He’d open the door for someone else, and he’d take his hat off indoors.

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