Hey! You! Are you interested in taking tactical shooting classes but want to make sure you look the part? Luckily, the team here at Gun Nuts has invested entire minutes into creating this humorous post that is nothing more than thinly veiled Amazon product placement! However, if you follow our handy guide to looking like an operator, you’ll be ready to take your first Tactical Response class and look like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t!
Step 1: Get yourself a hat. Not just any hat, but it has to be a subdued color like black or brown with an American flag on it.
Now you’ll be able to keep the sun out of your eyes while also looking like you’re getting ready to deploy on a contract to Afghanistan.
Step 2: Shirts! Shirts are super important. Your choices here are simple: skin tight Under Armour or tactical polos. That’s it.
The trick is to buy several of the exact same color so it looks like you’re wearing the same shirt every single day. That’s the best way to blend it to the background and be the ultimate gray man. Bonus points if you buy the UA compression shirt and you’re the sort of body type that has no business wearing that.
Step 3: PANTS. Tactical. Cargo. Pants. More pockets is more better. You should definitely avoid things like the 5.11 Ridgeline pants because those aren’t tactical enough and just look like regular khakis. No son, you need to go FULL TACTICAL.
Once you get the pants, you need to stuff the pockets with every piece of crap imaginable, like flashlights, tourniquets, pressure bandages, .308 magazines (even if you don’t own a .308), spare pistol magazines, and more pockets inside your pockets. POCKETCEPTION
Step 4: BELT! Now you’re got all that stuff in your pockets, but your damn pants are falling off. You need a belt that’s strong enough to suspend a pickup from, in case it needs to pull double duty as an emergency rappelling line!
If you’re not rigging, you’re wrong.
Step 5: Boots! Remember, this is for a tactical class, so none of those Salmon or whatever special shoes that those dirty, dirty gamers wear. Just because they give you excellent traction in variable footing conditions doesn’t mean they’re TACTICAL enough for us! You need boots! WARRIOR BOOTS!
And nothing says “warrior” better than boots by Nike, a company with a storied tradition of making athletic shoes using child labor in the same 3rd World Countries you could have invaded if you’d actually enlisted!
Step 6: BUY ALL THE TACTICAL THINGS. At the minimum you’re going to need a plate carrier, a drop leg holster, a shemagh, and some hard knuckle gloves.
That should cover it. You might need some other stuff like ammo, ear protection, or eye protection, but that can wait until after you’ve got all the gucci gear so you can look cool. Sure, you’re going to have to eat nothing but ramen and cheap hot dogs for the next month because you blew all your money on tactical stuff, and you can’t actually afford to attend the class now, but who cares? Your new YouTube channel is going to be badass!