Chain forwards

I can’t say this in an email to the person who sent me the offending forward, so instead I’ll say it here on the intertrons.

I hate getting forwards from people.  I hate the ones that have a dire warning of some negative crap that will happen to me if I don’t send them, and I hate the ones that tell me that I will receive blessings and ponies if I do send them.  I really hate the religious chain forwards as well; somehow I sincerely doubt that hitting the “forward” button on my email will really improve my walk with God.

But I have a special kind of hatred for the chain forward that combines all three of those categories.  When you combine the “Religious” forward with the “dire warnings” forward, you get the “Dire Religious Warning”.  Throw in some blessings, and you get the Dire Blessings of Warning Religion”, which if you forward it to me automatically makes me think you’re a retard.  The following text is from a forward that some idiot at work sent me this morning.

The President of Argentina received this letter and called it “junk mail”, 8 days later his son died A man received this letter and immediately sent out copies…his surprise was winning the lottery.
Alberto Martinez received this letter, gave it to his secretary to make copies but they forgot to distribute: she lost her job and he lost his family.
This letter is miraculous and sacred, don’t forget to forward this within 13 days to at least 20 people. Do Not Forget to forward and you will receive ! a huge surprise!!

This particular piece of junk was attached to a picture of the Virgin Mary; which makes it really retarded.  Basically, this piece of email is telling you that if you don’t hit the forward button and send this crap to a bunch of people, the God Himself will cause bad things to happen to you.  How idiotic is that?

The moral of this story is that if you happen to be one of the people in possession of my email address; and you send me one of these forwards I will mock you incessantly.  Not only that, but it will lower my opinion of your relative IQ by quite a bit.


  1. I don’t even bother reading them. That cancells out all the “dire warnings” religious or otherwise. I’m pretty sure it works. I haven’t died yet, nor have I had Bad Things happen during the last 10 years, which is how long I’ve been shitcanning them.

  2. It’s pretty clear from the evidence: Alberto Martinez was f*cking his secretary. His wife left with the kids when she found out about the affair. When she told others, Alberto was forced to fire the secretary.

  3. Chain-letters are the same as SPAM or worse, always have been always will be – it’s like handing a dog-turd down a line. I remember getting one in 6th Grade and wondering what kind of retard would send me something so noxiously stupid. Now when a friend’s wife sends along the crap I feel embarrassed for him.

  4. My sister forwarded a similar piece of excrement… instead of blessings, everyone hates her now. Didn’t Dante write about a special circle of hell reserved for these people?

  5. Forward it to abuse@whatever_their_domain_is – maybe you’ll get their account cancelled for Terms of Service violations.

    Some people learn when you explain things to them. Others have to get burned.

  6. I remember (I’m old) when these things were actual physical paper letters. The first one I ever saw came to me from some person in FRANCE. It was in barely understandable English, and it took me a while to figure out what it meant. The thought of rewriting it 5 times and mailing it kept me from passing it on.

  7. i got this stupid email, and i did forward it to the abuse@, thanks, i had no idea that was an option. I used to get so many more stupid chain letters and forward but i have blocked and/or told off most of the people doing it. my email is quieter now, and it was worth it. If someone is dumb enough to send that kind of thing i dont want anything more to do with them…

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