Ode to a steak

Welcome to Ahab’s poetry hour! I will occasionally subject you poor bastards to the horrifying vivisections I perform on the English language that I try to pass off as poetry.

Relax, would you? I’m writing it for humor’s sake.

Dear Sweet Jesus, my thanks are great
For this dead cow that is on my plate.

This noble steer did once roam
The plains of Texas far from my home.

Then did the fateful day arrive:
The steer was killed, no longer alive.

Butchered and packaged, to a rail car he goes,
To butchers and grocers and homes, who knows?

One day in the store, where shopping was I
A fine Angus steak caught my eye.

So glorious it was, so thick and so meaty
This steak was perfect, a thing of real beauty.

Quick into my cart the prime cut was placed
And off to the check-out my little feet raced.

I soon arrived home and declared to my wife,
“This is the finest steak I’ve seen in my life!”

Seasoned and primed, now off to the grill
The cooking of meat gives my soul such a thrill.

And now Dear lord Jesus, this steer sits on my plate
Seasoned and tender, it looks fucking great

And one last thought, before I dig in,
Screw PETA to hell, eating meat is the WIN!

Please wait...

Subscribe to the Gun Nuts Newsletter

Get notifications in your email when articles are published, as well as our weekly newsletter packed with exclusive content!
%d bloggers like this: