Self Defense and the Single Girl

20130724-093842.jpgI talk a lot about couples that bond over guns. They enjoy going to the range together, cleaning their guns together, or some other guncentric activities. I’ve also discussed all sorts of issues regarding women being responsible for their own personal defense. However, as a dating woman there are certain questions that arise somewhere between single life and coupledom.

Going out on a blind date while carrying concealed, seems just as reasonably cautious as carrying to the grocery store. If I guy realizes I’m packing (for one thing, I’m doing something wrong) and feels that I’m not the right gal for him because of that, then he’s probably right. Then again, I have been known to get a bit lazy when dating a guy who carries regularly. Maybe it’s my deeply suppressed damsel-in-distress coming out, who takes advantage of a moment where she can only be the protected, not the protector. But this leads me to a pressing dilemma, is my date prepared to protect us both? What is he expecting of me, a gun girl, in an emergency situation?

Couples who both carry, I ask you, have you discussed how you would handle different threat situations? I know that plenty of families have bug out bags for every family member, and their pets, but what if the two of you go out to dinner and a movie? Back when I was a child, if my parents went away together (without us kids), and they were flying, they always flew separately. Way before “prepper” was a household term, my parents felt that if a plane went down, or was hijacked, (god forbid,) one of them would still come home to my sister and myself. If you and your honey were in a movie theater or a restaurant with an active shooter, have thought about your best case scinareo? Would you cling to eachother, or separate in order to play the odds. Should one or both of you attempt to suppress the threat, or will it be every person for him or herself?

Oh and one last question: Should the single girls, like myself, bring these questions up on the second date or wait until the third? (Rhetorical, of corse!)


  1. Planning is key. We have a plan for the actions that need to be taken (verbal commands, call 911, search for cover or exit, check for other threats, etc). We have practiced some scenarios and always discuss how we would handle new events. We have discussed how to handle a situation when we are with our older, less mobile parents.

    I would want to know someone before I talk with them about guns, I had one instance where a girl I was dating thought concealed carry was interesting and told all her friends, leading to questions. Not everyone is gun friendly.

    As for letting down your guard around when someone else is carrying, I think that is normal.
    But you have trust thst person will look after you.

  2. Ditto, Bob. Likewise, we trained our daughter on basic courses of action triggered by either emerging situation or (if we notice it first) a simple, one word command that clues her in.

  3. What about the subtle race and struggle to get the chair with its back to the wall without being obvious? I found going old-school and pulling out her chair can help me secure the more tactically sound seat. =)

    Even walking on my left, when holding hands or not, so my strong hand is free to draw gets discussed eventually, though I just maneuver that on first dates. You can plan and practice but a death grip on your gun hand if a threat pops up is something that can be avoided entirely.

    1. the way I was raised a man is supposed to walk on the outside (closer to the street) and have the woman walk on the inside. What your saying makes sense, about the death grip, but being newer to guns than to chivalry, I would probably notice a guy NOT doing the protective placement thing, over keeping his strong side free.

      1. That is the correct method. You just have to always walk against traffic. =)

      2. I always walk on the street side. With that being said, I would treat an armed woman like any team member… Divide and conquer. Give the shooter two targets to watch out for and one of us is likely to get the opening we need.

  4. I had a friend who had his CCW and once I got mine we both carried but never really discussed scenarios. You talk about how if the guy is carrying that you might not carry yourself, two guns are always better than one 😉 Sort of similar to what your parents did with planes, if he went down you could still at least still do your part on protecting. My friend was ecstatic when we both could carry; he didn’t feel threatened on his role as protector, he actually said, “it’s nice to know that someone has my back for once.”

    I guess with bringing it up on a date, it’s hard to say, I would probably just play that by ear. Guys seem to be commitment phobes and talking about scenarios might put them off but then again you are talking self-defense scenarios and any guy carrying a gun would probably be okay with that. On the dating and carrying, I have to say it’s been a refreshing release being able to conceal carry on dates, I’m not so hindered about the bad case scenarios, I actually feel more open to meeting people in person because I know I can protect myself if need be, which in the past before my CCW, I would wait weeks before ever agreeing to meet them in person just so I can get a good feel for what they are about.

  5. Its not just girls who think of these questions… Btw I also want to know about when you talk to your date about this stuff!

    Also you missed one big point! How exactly do we deal with the cuddling scenerio? I.e. After dinner go for a walk by the river… Find a bench… And she decides to curl up on me (head on the shoulder not anything overtly sexual)… my big concern here is for some reason women always want to be on my left (gun) side, as you can probably guess a Glock 17 poking her in the back can be a bit of a suprise!

    1. I’m sure it’s not just girls who thank about this stuff, that’s why I bring it up!

      I think it’s totally reasonable for a third or fourth date, where cuddling up may happen, for you to casually say, “No sit on this side, I don’t want my CCW to dig into you, or me.” I don’t think it has to be a big deal, unless you make it into one.

      1. Honestly when it happened I was slacking (I was so used to the gun being there I didn’t even think about it). Now my best way to break the ice has been to leave my PTC exposed for a few seconds like when I’m paying for dinner… Assuming she’s paying attention she see’s it and we can have “the talk” about why I’ve made this choice.

  6. My husband and I have talked different scenerios a lot. Especially in the home. We tend to both carry and only occasionally rely on the other one to be carrying (depends on the situation and the destination).

    I think it’s important to discuss while dating, but maybe a good ice breaker would be a date to the range. You can really get a feel for one’s comfort and it would open up a lot of conversations.

  7. I think it’s a bad idea to leave the protecting to someone else, unless you truly trust that person with your life. A few dates is probably not that time. When you’re in a committed relationship, that’s probably a good time.

  8. Which is actually the way you SHOULD be walking. Ride bikes WITH traffic, walk AGAINST traffic.

  9. Which, Matthew, is actually the way you SHOULD be walking. Ride bikes WITH traffic, walk AGAINST traffic. {grin}

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