Mall Ninja 3.0

This is by far the funniest damn thing I’ve seen since uh…well a long time. I saw it at TD’s blog and have been laughing ever since. I also am going to turn his “things I learned from Elite Team Fighting” into a mini-meme.

Things I learned from Elite Team Fighting:

  1. Shotguns are designed for Rock n’ Roll
  2. If you’re using your pistol, you f***ed up.
  3. Despite the above, it’s important to practice drawing your pistol all the damn time.
  4. When in knife fights, it’s of critical importance to hold your knife just like they do in counterstrike. ALL THE TIME.
  5. You are “not gonna argue”.
  6. Even though if you’re using your pistol it means that you f***ed up, if your rifle jams, instead of trying to clear it, you should THROW YOUR RIFLE AWAY and switch to your pistol.
  7. “Slinged”?

Oh my god, I could o this all day. This is the finest, most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen.


  1. Can’t tell if he’s putting us on or for-real. The honest-to-god parody is GOLD tho, if you laughed at that, you’ll LOVE this

  2. Don’t be within 10 feet of him with that shotgun. Man, he’s not gonna miss.

  3. I get the snark, I really do — what a tool.

    That said:

    (1) He’s obviously had some significant training, somewhere. His weapon-handling skills are pretty damn good. His you-tube site has a “cqb-1911” vid where he does a malf-drill that honestly impressed me.

    (2) He’s got some damn nice toys, assuming they’re real

    (3) Where’d he get the armor? I didn’t think such things were available to civvies (another rant I really don’t want to get into right now…)

    Seems therefore, to me, that what we have is a well-trained, well-equipped kid who takes himself more than a bit seriously. Based on his “Yeshua” comment on his you-tube site, I don’t think he’s Israeli-trained, therefore I’m leaning toward his being the child of a “militia” or “survivalist” type.



  4. To clarify my “israeli” comment — I know several young American people who spent time in Israel/the IDF — not at all uncommon for self-described members of “the tribe”…


  5. Dedicated_Dad:

    I bought a level IIA concealable vest when I was 16. Walked in to a local police supply shop (after looking them up in the yellow pages and calling for prices) and paid cash. Didn’t have the money for a trauma plate, but they would’ve sold me one I’m sure. That was 11 years ago, so I don’t know if anything has changed other than the prices which have tripled.

    btw, I was shopping for body armor because a serial killer named Paul Reid had just murdered a SECOND friend of mine the week before, and they hadn’t caught him yet.

  6. Wow. I’ve known a couple of people who were murdered as well. Thankfully (if that makes sense) neither were what I’d call “friends” but I’d still like to see the individual responsible die slowly and horribly.

    I had an ancestor involved in the “Regulators” rebellion in 1771 VA. He was sentenced:

    “To be hung by the neck until insensible, then taken down and revived. Then he is to be gelded, and drawn (intestines pulled out slowly, while he watched), usually wound upon a stick) his bowels and sweetmeats (jewels) burned to ashes before his eyes, and afterwards quartered, the pieces burned to ashes and his ashes scattered upon a dung heap.”

    I think Ol’ Geo was upset.

    I also think that’s too good for some people, like Mr. Reid.

    OAS, I guess it’s just my commie-state that won’t sell armor to sheeple…


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