Fine Police Work

South Bend PD discovers that body in cemetery is actually dummy filled with straw.

Police arrived at the scene at around 7:15 p.m., and walked the entire length of the cemetery through the snow, reported the South Bend Tribune. Upon finding the location, they lifted the hat off the body to find a pumpkin instead of a human head.

I kid, I kid SBPD.  It was cold up there the other day, and the “entire length of the cemetery” in the snow and cold cannot have been pleasant.  In fact, I can imagine the officers now…

Cop 1: I swear to god, there had better be a dead body out here.  I had finally gotten the heat to the right temperature in my car.

Cop 2: Sarge, over here, I found it!

Cop 1: Thank god.  Alright, check him for…wait…lift up his hat.

Cop 2: Uh…it’s a pumpkin, Sarge.

Cop 1: SON OF A B*TCH.

You know, I take that back.  It probably went more like “Hey Rookie, go check that cemetery for a dead body.  I’m going to wait here and…uh…monitor the radio.”


  1. “Just wait until the reporters hear about this one.” (They had to say it at some point.)

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