South Bend PD discovers that body in cemetery is actually dummy filled with straw.
Police arrived at the scene at around 7:15 p.m., and walked the entire length of the cemetery through the snow, reported the South Bend Tribune. Upon finding the location, they lifted the hat off the body to find a pumpkin instead of a human head.
I kid, I kid SBPD. It was cold up there the other day, and the “entire length of the cemetery” in the snow and cold cannot have been pleasant. In fact, I can imagine the officers now…
Cop 1: I swear to god, there had better be a dead body out here. I had finally gotten the heat to the right temperature in my car.
Cop 2: Sarge, over here, I found it!
Cop 1: Thank god. Alright, check him for…wait…lift up his hat.
Cop 2: Uh…it’s a pumpkin, Sarge.
Cop 1: SON OF A B*TCH.
You know, I take that back. It probably went more like “Hey Rookie, go check that cemetery for a dead body. I’m going to wait here and…uh…monitor the radio.”
“Just wait until the reporters hear about this one.” (They had to say it at some point.)
How hard can it be to find a dead body in a cemetery?