Help Robb

Robb’s wife has decreed that he won’t be buying any new guns in 2008 (boo) so he’s looking for help on ways to try and get around that.

So, here at Call me Ahab, we are here to help with that sort of situation, and a dire situation it is. Post your best line for Operation GRWTLHBSG (Get Robb’s Wife to let him buy some guns) in the comments. Here are a few of mine.*

  1. Honey, firearms are a durable good. It’s like an investment, really. (This really helps is you’re buying a C&R gun).
  2. By purchasing durable goods, we’re doing our part as good Americans to help the economy!
  3. It’s not for me, it’s for you dear. (Pink shotguns and ARs).

But, if she’s really going to stick to her guns (I made a funny) then I should do my duty to Robb and point out that she didn’t say anything about buying ammo by the train load.

*I have tried all of these on my wife. None of them have worked.


  1. I’ve tried the “investment” angle, to which my wife replies “well, that SKS you got for $100 is only worth $200 now if you sell it.” Hrrmm. At least she acknowledges that firearms are good investments… but that isn’t getting me any more guns.

  2. Hey, don’t forget the old “but it’s for the kids!. . . . some day they will get them and remember good ol’ dad. . .” angle. . . . . helps if they actually got to the range with you but hey it’s worth a shot. . . .

  3. My best strategy is the “guns are specialized equipment” tack:

    W:”You already have a revolver.”
    H:”Yeah, I have a 38 snubnose. Fat lot of good that’ll do if a bear attacks!”
    H:”Yeah, grizzlies are EVERYWHERE now, thanks to NAFTA!”

  4. So, that means you’re not buying any shoes this year?

    Doesn’t work for me, I don’t let my wife wear shoes. But a friend of mine was told, “No guns this year.” He spent two days going thru cancelled checks and totaling his wife’s shoe purchases (she was a stickler for details on the memo line). Come to find out she spent twice as much on shoes as he had guns. It didn’t grow much, but his arsenal did expand that year after all.

  5. Don’t buy, barter. Trade the dining room table for Makarov, the car for a Barrett rifle or two, and a first born child for a H&H double rifle.

    Black powder firearms don’t legally count as guns/weapons in most places, so those should be technically allowed. She may not see it that way, though.

  6. You know, I tried that. The “well you can buy a table if I can buy this gun” line. My wife is way to cagey for that. She said “So if I spend money, you’re going to spend even more money? No, we’ll just do without both.”

    I married a tough, smart woman.

  7. Okay, I didn’t want to do this, but it appears that the nuclear option may be the last viable option:

    H: “You remember that marriage conference that we both went to?”
    W: *raises eyebrow*
    H: “I was particularly moved by the statement that men are singularly motivated by a desire to provide for and protect their family.”
    W: *reaches for heavy object*
    H: “When you don’t support my natural desire to be the protector in this household, it makes me feel vulnerable.”
    W: *lifts heavy object*
    H: “I feel as if my value as a man is being discounted… even despised, and that hurts me very deeply.”

    I recommend using this only once — AND BUY THE BARRETT BEFORE THE TEARS DRY!

  8. Short of serving her with papers, I’d buy receivers and frames and then a lot of parts to connect to them.

    Of course, he could always start testing her to see if she knows exactly what he already has. “No dear, I’ve always owned 8 SKS’s. Where did you get the idea that I only had six?”

  9. I feel for you guys. My sweetie instinctively understands the shoes/furniture argument, so we don’t have the argument and she hasn’t questioned my purchases (yet?). Of course, I’ve never pushed to see where the limit is… 3 a year? one a month? I’m somewhere in between, and content. The parts angle wouldn’t work for me though, because it would look like another “you-don’t-have-time-for-another-project” to her.

  10. Guys always complain when the wife isn’t a shooter… but when she is (as mine is) she notices things like “How come that XD45 is an inch shorter now? When did you buy that?”


  11. Try this one . . .

    “You’re probably right honey. Anyway, here is even better news! The Harley dealer finally got back to me with the quote for that bike my dad sold while I was in college. Its taken five years and these babies are hard to find but he tracked one down for me. I couldn’t afford it if I got those guns anyway. Thanks for thinking of me.”

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