Pennsylvania is in the midst of a Bigfoot Hysteria. So, because it is Monday and a slow news day, I’m going to ask what caliber of firearm to use for some of the denizens of the cryptozoology world. If you don’t feel like clicking on that link, cryptozoology is the study of pretend, made-up, or otherwise fictional animals.
Let’s start with Sasquatch, or Bigfoot. I would personally treat Bigfoot hunting about the same as I would hunting for Elk, Bear, or other large, tough, North American game. An H&R Handi-Rifle chambered in .500 S&W Magnum would be an excellent pill for Bigfoot; and I imagine that if someone actually brought a hide back, we could end all this nonsense.
Next up is the fabled Chupacabra, or “Goat Sucker”. Much smaller than a Bigfoot, I’m thinking that a rifle set up for close range coyote hunting would be a good choice here, something that shoots flat and fast. .223, .22-250, or .204 Ruger would all likely get the job done. I wouldn’t step down to anything in a rimfire, as the .22 Magnum and .17 HMR are marginal for big coyotes.
Of course, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the lethal Australian Drop Bears. Due to their small size and preferred method of attack, I’d have to recommend a magnum caliber handgun with a 4 or 6 inch barrel and iron sights. Personally, I’d use .357, but a .45 Colt, .44 Magnum, or .41 Magnum should all be equally effective.
The final pretend animal is the oft speculated on Loch Ness Monster. Due to the hypothetical size of this beast, I cannot in good conscience recommend anything less than a .50 BMG if you decide to undertake hunting this mammoth sea-beast. Of course, even the Big Fifty falls behind my personal choice for hunting huge sea-life: the 57mm Mk 110 Naval Gun System. A fused, high explosive round would be exactly what the doctor ordered to put an end to this Loch Ness nonsense. Yes, there is nothing like the smell of sea-guts in the morning. It smells like breakfast.