Dumb people and physics

The top image in this post from Fodder reminded me that I wanted to share some advice with the guy on the motorcycle from yesterday.

The Gross Vehicular Weight of your fake Harley is approximately 1,000 pounds.  The Gross Vehicular Weight of my Subaru Forester is approximately 4,000 pounds.  Despite the fact that the combined weight of you and your girlfriend adds another 600 pounds to the weight of the bike, I still have a better than 2/1 weight ratio going here.

What the means for you is that it is not wise to try and run me off the road.  Yes, you’re right.  It was dick of me to laugh when I saw a huge fat man with his huge fat girlfriend, sans helmets, tailgating me on your totally awesome imitation Harley.  Looking in my review mirror and chuckling was immature, I won’t deny that.

Of course, instead of taking the moral high ground and ignoring my immature laughter, you chose to take the lowest route possible.  Most amusing was when you pulled alongside my 4,000 lbs vehicle and attempted to crowd me off the road.  Equally entertaining was after that, when I hit the brakes and allowed you to pass and you starting going so slow you had to weave the bike back and forth to keep it from toppling.

Of course, the cherry on this proverbial sundae of entertainment was while I was waiting to turn left behind you, you turned around your bike, gave me the finger, and said “Who’se laughing now, asshole” before roaring off in a most manful fashion, sure to impress the hulking lass clinging to dear life behind you.   Sadly, you probably didn’t see my face when you asked me “who’s laughing”, because at the time you did that I had been completely overcome by the hilarity of the situation and was laughing so hard tears were running down my face.

Again, I admit my immaturity in laughing at a fat combo on a knock-off Harley.  Thankfully, your childish antics allowed me to not only maintain my comfortable sense of moral superiority, but also provided me with a pile of laughs for the rest of the day.

The moral of the story is that even if you get mad because some punk in a SUV is laughing at your fat-ass, don’t forget about the laws of physics.  A 1000 pound motorcycle cannot crowd a 4000 pound SUV unless the SUV lets him.


  1. I should have noted that when I started chuckling, he was tailgating me and I was looking in my review mirror.

    So it was probably pretty obvious.

  2. The only person funnier than the punk hunched over on a crotch rocket is is dumbass girlfriend squatting behind him.

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