Diary of a hoplophobe

I’m honestly not sure what the purpose of this “editorial” is, other than to take potshots at gun owners while at the same doing the literary equivalent of hanging curveballs over the plate for pro-2A blogs to hit out of the park.

I can’t really think of anyway to describe this sort of meaningless drivel in civil terms; were I a professional writer instead of someone who is just doing this for fun, I’d be ashamed to turn in a column that contained sentences such as those below.

Every few seconds I violently twitch as another gun is fired; even with ear protection the noise is deafening. I’ll be glad to get out of here without soiling my undergarments.

I squeeze off shot after shot, jumping at the sound of each one. Some people feel powerful with a pistol in their hand; I feel terror. I reload rapidly, hoping I run out of rounds before I run out of luck and end up with nine fingers.

I mean, really? He actually wrote that? I love the subtle implication that gun owners only have all their fingers and toes by sheer blind luck. Clearly, the training and safety precautions that responsible gun owners take have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we have all our fingers and toes. Of course, no editorial would be complete without implying that the only reason we own guns is to feel “powerful”, as though gun owners are all compensating for some sort of physical or social inadequacy.

I guess on the flipside though, you have to laugh. I mean, look at the paragraph above. The guy actually admits to being on the literal verge of pants shitting hysterics.

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