I never do memes

Except for this one. I’m trying to kill some time before the range opens – so you all are cursed with too much information about Ahab.

So, without further ado – here you go.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Surprise, surprise, my given name isn’t “Ahab”! My real name comes from a fairly heroic chap in the Old Testament; so heroic that God Hizzown Bad Self took some time to mention him.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? During HBO’s Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee. That movie was really depressing.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I can deal with it; it used to be a lot nicer than it is now. I don’t really use cursive that much, which caused my skills to atrophy.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pastrami, baby. Pastrami.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No rugrats, yes. Mrs. Ahab is starting to get antsy, so I’m probably going to have to buy her a cat to forestall this a little longer.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not, actually. My personality type can be very combative, and I don’t generally get along with people who have similar personalities to mine.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Wouldn’t dream of it.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yeah; the only things I’ve ever had surgically removed weren’t standard issue to begin with.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hell yes! I mean, the big “bungee” fad is pretty much over, but I’ve always loved the sensation of freefall.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I’d have to go with some boring like Wheaties or Cheerios. Michael Jordan convinced me that Wheaties were good.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? My shoes that have laces; yes. I wear a lot off boots.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? For my size, certainly. I’m not even close to a “big guy”, seeing as I’m only five and a half feet tall. But I’m stronger than all the other short people I know!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I don’t really know, honestly. It may be heresy, but I’m not a big fan of ice cream.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Body language and posture, actually. Most people aren’t overly conscious of their body language. There are a lot of times that I learn a lot more by what isn’t being said.

RED OR PINK? Pink, actually. I do have some pink shirts, and a couple of pink ties. Although I have noticed a phenomenon, that if I wear a pink shirt to a bar, rednecks will try to fight me. No joke.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My arrogance. I can really be an arrogant prick sometimes; on the bright side though I’m aware of my problem.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I don’t really have a good answer for that.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? I’m wearing blue jeans, and currently barefoot. In about ten minutes I’ll be wearing brown leather boots.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A cup of coffee and a bowl of Rainier cherries. FYI, Rainier cherries are the best cherries on God’s green earth.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? iTunes is set to shuffle, right now it’s the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and up next is Mrs. Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel.

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Oh man – I’d be “Flesh”. If you don’t know, that’s an old Bloom County joke.

FAVORITE SMELLS? Recently fired firearms, new baseball, and the smell of the high desert after a rain.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My wife; before that it was my friend Flamingo.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? In the following order, Red Sox baseball, football, all other baseball, and Jeanette Lee playing pool.

HAIR COLOR[S]? Brown, same as always. I have boring hair.

EYE COLOR? Well, personally I’d call it “steely blue”, but blue will suffice.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No; I have 20/20 in my right eye, and then my left eye has some kind of weird double astigmatism or some goofy shit that got the eye doctor really excited. So I wear glasses for some things.

FAVORITE FOOD? That’s like asking me to pick a favorite book. If pressed, I’d have to say clam chowder. But good clam chowder; not that canned bullshit. There was this little restaurant in Boston…god.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, actually. For whatever reason I’m a sucker for a good happy ending.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? We watch a lot of movies. The last movie I saw in theaters was Ocean’s 13, which was actually quite good. It was so good that it made up for the suck-fest that was Ocean’s 12.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Green t-shirt, with a “Peace through superior firepower” logo.

SUMMER OR WINTER? I grew up in the High Desert of California. I have plenty of reasons to hate the summer, but now that I live in Indiana, I hate winter even more. So it’s not so much which I like more, but more a contest of which I hate less. And I hate, hate, hate being cold.

HUGS OR KISSES? I don’t like being touched by people I’m not married to – can I pick “none of the above?”

FAVORITE DESSERT? Cheesecake. Cheesecake. Cheesecake. Cheesecake. There is no other dessert.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I quite frankly have no idea. This is the first one of this things I’ve done; so I’m not going to expect anything.


WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? My computer monitor, silly. How do you think I’m typing this?

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Uh, my mouse. Same as at work. I use to have a cool mousepad with a logo of Big bird with an AK47 and the caption, “It’s a beautiful day in the ‘hood!”

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Star Trek: Enterprise. News flash! I’m a closet nerd!

FAVORITE SOUND[S]? You ever hit a baseball just right? That crack is my favorite sound.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones, the Beatles never played “Paint it Black”.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Hahahaha – that’s a great question. I guess if you define “home” as where I grew up, the longest linear distance I was ever at was when I was overseas.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I’m a fair hand with a pistol, I guess.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Methodist Hospital in Van Nuys, CA.

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? I don’t really know, actually. I suppose any answer would be cool.