Sarcastic gun-rag reviews

Who the hell is writing these things? I understand that right now the market is for “tacticool” junk and the latest greatest custom 1911 or Hi-cap EuroBlaster, that’s fine. I bow to vagaries of the market.

Honestly though, what is with the obsession with all this black rifle/polymer handgun stuff? I just don’t get it; I’d much rather spend $900 bucks on this than on some Delux Poodle Shooter 3000. But hey, that’s just me.

So, here we go with links and my overly sarcastic reviews of the random gun magazines.

Guns and Ammo – Basically the king dog of gun rags; ever since Col. Cooper’s passing the magazine hasn’t had his wit or wisdom to serve as a life vest on this otherwise drowning publication. I really can’t stand their new format with the double page spread of whatever 1911 they’ve decided to highlight this month.

American Handgunner – If you like your gun-rags glossy and not full of big words, American Handgunner is the magazine for you. Exhibiting a strong desire to constantly appeal to the lowest common denominator, this magazine manages to routinely achieve mediocrity in the face of average achievement. Also, Charles Petty needs to stop bitching about how much he hates the internet. One point in Handgunner’s favor is John Connor; his columns are both amusing and entertaining.

Guns Magazine – It’s just like American Handgunner, except with long arms in addition to handguns! Mercifully, it features slightly less of Masad Ayoob talking about how awesome he is (ed. I actually really like Mas Ayoob, he’s just a convenient target); unfortunately it trades that for even less content to get in the way of the full page adds masquerading as articles.

Combat HandgunsCombat Handguns could be alternately titled “The Diary of Tacticool Teddy”. Although their gun reviews are generally well written and sometimes actually review the gun instead of just taking a fat sack of cash and saying nice things about it; chief amongst their sins is the “It Happened To Me” column. Filled with stories full of florid prose, they read like “Tales from the Mall Ninja Cantina”.

Guns & Weapons for Law Enforcement – One of many, many sister publications to Combat Handuns, this magazine could quite easily be “The Mall Ninja Shopping Guide”. Chock full of articles full of phrases like “extended tac-rail”, “OODA Loop”, “combat accurate”, and whatever else makes Tacticool Teddy wet his very tactical underoos.

Don’t worry, the Interweb “gunmagazines” have just as much fault!

The Box O’ Truth – I wanted to like this guy. I really, really did. And if he had just stuck to the format of “shooting stuff is cool” and showing how various bullets wreak havoc on various things, I would. But he has to make this “conclusions” based off really, really, really poor data. Plus, when he redesigned his page to have all those annoying as hell adds, I completely lost interest.

So, there you go. I got my snark on, I feel great. There are about 10,000 gun magazines out there, and I could do a column about how each one of them grinds my gears. However, I’ve probably alienated enough of my readership as is, so I’ll lay off for now.

Update: This was posted in the comments, and really deserves to be up here on the front page where everyone can see it.

For some reason, the phrase “Tacticool Teddy” keeps conjuring up images of something that would come from a Victoria’s Secret Agent catalog. Something sheer and filmy with a shoulder holster, extra mag pouches, and a couple knife sheathes.

Now that’s funny.