I hate winter

I grew up at the ass-end of the Mojave Desert, and if memory serves me, it only snowed twice during the 15 years that I can remember. I hate winter, and I hate the snow.

Mostly, I hate people who drive in the snow. This applies especially to the driver of the gold Honda minivan who felt it was necessary to tailgate me for 3 miles on a two lane road that was covered in slush and ice. If you read this Mr. Gold Honda, you’re a jerkoff.

I can appreciate the aesthetic beauty of snow…from inside my house with a hot cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, I have not yet mastered the mental skill that will allow me to coalesce my hatred of winter into a beam of pure hate which is capable of melting snow. When I do, I’ll quit my job and higher myself out to Hamilton County – that way they’ll have someone on staff who actually clears roads, instead of just running one snowplow down the main road once.

All the different places I’ve lived have had different reactions to winter.

Antelope Valley, CA: “What’s this stuff falling from the sky? Eh, who cares it’ll be gone in 20 minutes anyway.”

New London, CT: “Hey, it’s probably going to snow like 400 feet overnight. Classes are still on for tomorrow.”

Purdue University, IN: “Hey, the winter storm is going to cover the ground in ice and shit. Instead of salting, we’re going to run high speed brushes over the sidewalks to ‘brush off the snow’, but all that will actually do is polish the snow into ice and turn the whole damn campus into a skating rink. I hope you like broken ankles. Classes are still on.”

DC/Metro Area: “OH GOD AN INCH OF SNOW CLOSE ALL THE ROADS AND SCHOOLS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.”*

Indy/Metro Area: “It’s going to snow about 4 inches overnight. Don’t worry, we can assure you that we won’t even start to plow or salt until it’s too late to actually be effective, ensuring that your morning drive to work will be complicated by closed roads and cars sliding off the roads.”

So yeah. I hate winter.

*Note – this is how every piece of news in the DC/Metro area is reported.

8 thoughts on “I hate winter”

  1. so true about the DC/Metro area… so very true… it wasn’t even sticking yet and the traffic on every single road was hell.

  2. Actually, one of the big problems in DC this morning is that they didn’t do the whole “panic” prep they usually do. The bridges did actually freeze, and I heard the American Legion Bridge inner loop (with it’s very slight incline) wasn’t treated and cars were having a hard time getting any traction. The bridges I drove over were definitely frozen.

    The tv traffic reporter was bitching that from 4am to when I left at 7:20, she hadn’t seen a single truck treating for ice. The radio reporter said she was hearing the same thing from callers. One of my colleagues spent nearly an hour sitting on the Beltway’s inner loop because of the backups related to the bridge ahead.

    I hate when they overreact, but I’m thinking it’s the only way they know how to operate at all.

  3. I didn’t think Indianapolis/Lawrence did too bad this morning. I-465 up over the north side of town was SLOW, but mostly just wet. Over on the NW side, Zionsville Road was even clear. Usually everything’s clear BUT Z’ville on my way to work.

    Ball State did the same thing with the sidewalk polishers! Those brush machines are worthless if there’s any ice under the snow at all.

  4. Ah, Purdue’s ice polishers! How fondly I remember them.

    This morning a snow plow actually went down my road once, so I was happy. I’ve found driving in snow is much like driving a boat.

  5. Having grown up in a place that averages 32 feet of snow every winter, I find everyone’s reaction to snow in the Lower 48 to be highly amusing and scary at the same time.

    When it snows here in Portland (Oregon) I don’t go out until it clears up.

    I don’t want to be around people that can’t drive in snow… It’s a “fear of my life” kind of thing.

  6. I hated those snow brushes at Ball State too, I can’t believe no one’s slipped and fallen and sued the school yet. I thought though that Purdue had tunnels for its students to walk to class in during the winter?

    One thing that I’ve quickly learned is that Las Vegas drivers cannot drive worth a damn if there is any amount of rain here, which isn’t surprising I guess since it only rains here about once every three months.

  7. The one year the DC area didn’t wildly overreact to snow, I was still in high school. They didn’t cancel for what turned out to be something like 4 FEET of snow in about that many hours. (late 80’s). The snow was still around until early march, IIRC.

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