An open letter

To the kid sitting behind my wife in Olive Garden last night,

Take your hat off. While I doubt you’re a reader of my blog, back in February I posted on how a lack of manners is something I find truly appalling, including little reprobates who insist on wearing ballcaps in restaurants.

Now, the hat itself would have been bad enough, however, the stunning volume of the belch you let out not 10 minutes after we had been seated was truly shocking. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t belch, in fact I enjoy a good burp myself from time to time…I just don’t do it with my mouth open in eateries.

Of course, you complete lack of table manners as you shoveled food into your mouth like some kind of animal should not have then come as a surprise to me, nor the utter lack of respect in your voice when you addressed the two adults dining with you.

It is my fervent hope that the aforementioned adults were not your parents, because if they were they have been seriously remiss in their duties to instruct you on the most basic of social graces.

Of course, on the off chance that you were to read this blog entry, I have no doubt that it would simply pass in one ear, and then directly out the other, completely missing your single, lonely brain cell. You would no doubt laugh this off as the ramblings of an old man; which of course is your right.

Some day, I hope that you will learn that manners and courtesy are important. However, I doubt this day will occur. I’m sure you’ll find a nice, trashy woman to spend the next five years with in your glorious double-wide trailer.

Close your mouth when you chew, you little mutant.