Blame April – satire

Author’s Note: I don’t want this to be misconstrued as making light of the tragedy – I assure I am not. This purpose of the below piece is to show my absolute and utter contempt for people who are rushing to find “something to blame” for the events that have occurred in Virginia yesterday. I am appalled by the sheer number of people, both in and out of the media who are rushing to lay the blame at the feet of the police, the NRA, the school, and anywhere other than the individual.

While the media, other blogs, and everyone else is casting about for reasons for the current tragedy in Virginia, after minutes of exhaustive research I have actually produced for you a culprit, a scapegoat, nay an instigator for this horrendous shooting.

Blame April.

The Month of April as we currently understand it is actually a cataclysmic force that each year pushing mankind closer to the brink of extinction. Below I’ve compiled a list of all the tragedies that the horrifying Month of April (or Month of Blood as I’m going to call it) has visited on our poor landscape.

We must act now to prevent further tragedies from occurring. I call on our legislators to enact immediate legislation, effective immediately to remove the month of April from the calendar year, to be replaced with a newer, safer month. Perhaps the month could be titled “Fluffy Bunny Month” to remind us all to live in peace and harmony.

As you can see from the above links, the Month of April is truly a menacing force – each year it lies it wait. As March ends and fills you with hope for a joyous spring, suddenly staring you in the face like a hungry mountain lion is the gaping maw of April, demanding the blood of the young and innocent to slake her never-ending thirst.